A few days ago I received yet another persistent reminder to upgrade to Windows 10 for free. So I thought I’d share some insights from a long-time windows user. Here is my open letter to Microsoft.
Dear Microsoft,
It all began with that nagging little popup thingo at the bottom right of my computer screen. I don’t know about the other X00 million people, but I personally found that so annoying I soon disabled it. As soon as I realised it wasn’t going to disappear on it’s own. As soon as I saw the pattern. Why did I do that? I did it because I know that it was far easier than upgrading the whole OS.
There’s a famous quote about lazy people at Microsoft:
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”– Bill Gates
Now you have taken to my inbox. Several times in fact. Humans are good at recognising patterns, aren’t they? I’m sorely tempted to label your email ‘spam’, because I don’t recall signing up to any email newsletters about Windows upgrades. What’s next? Are you going to be pestering people to upgrade with facebook and twitter? I really don’t think you should do that. Trust me.
Yes we are busy people. Some of us do need reminders. But what about people with good memories? Do you think we have forgotten about your kind offer? Or are you lumping us all in with the forgetful ones? Thanks.
Yes Microsoft, I am well aware that Windows 10 is “free”. It’s really the journey to Windows 11 and beyond that worries me…
The thing is, as soon as you offer something for free, people will always ask “Why? What’s the catch?”.
“So. Enzo. May I call you Enzo? So you say that you’re giving me a free Ferrari? Ok.
But what’s wrong with it? Nothing? Really?!
How much do oil changes cost? That cheap?
What about replacement gearboxes then? So they last that long do they? Well that all sounds alright… now what do I have to do for you in return?”
Like that. That’s how some people are. We’ve been overdosed on false promises of ‘free’ and now our defense shields have automatically risen.
This is what the email reads: “MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR 24 HOURS”. It appears in all capitals. Just like that.
“MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR 24 HOURS”
Excuse me? What, are you SHOUTING THE BENEFITS at us now? I don’t know about the other Windows users, but I’m almost never awake 24 hours a day! The last time I was awake more than 24 consecutive hours, I nearly got run over crossing the road — I was so zombie-like that I wasn’t very productive at all.
“MORE THAN 200 MILLION HAVE UPGRADED AND ARE LOVING WINDOWS 10”
That’s nice to know. And I begin to wonder: are they really ‘loving’ it though? How can you know that? Did you do a survey? Did 200 million people tell you that “we are loving it”? No. Clearly not. Just who are these anonymous Windows 10 users anyway? And what are they comparing it to?
And that’s not actually that many “whatevers”, is it? And I say “whatevers” because you aren’t even calling us ‘users’ or ‘people’ anymore, are you Microsoft? You just refer to “200 million”. 200 million what? Sheep? So we are just basically numbers to you now are we? Nice.
I think the trouble, Microsoft, is that you are using a kind of scare-based approach with the upgrade. So you think that users think like this: “Oh no! What happens if I don’t upgrade within one year? Maybe I’ll miss out on the free offer and it will cost me more later on?! They’ll probably jack the price up and it will cost me more afterwards. Drat. I better do what they say.”
When actually, the truly tech-savvy people are thinking much more cynically, something like this: “Hmm. Sooooo. What information are you going to release on July 30th, 2016? Eh? A new service pack? A new patch? A new version? More security? Your latest production schedule for phasing out Windows 10 and introducing windows 11? A new subsription service? Eh? Yeah — typical.”
So we ask ourselves: why are you giving Windows 10 away for free? Is ol’ Bill rally that much of a philanthropist these days?
[if you are reading this Bill, man, I think it would be so nice if your foundation could help out with a few more environmental causes — because you have certainly contributed to a lot of e-waste over the years… not to mention all of the nasty chemicals that go into making computers… and the mines that they come from]
You know, quite frankly, I don’t think you should be persistently ramming your free gifts down your customer’s own throats. Especially not without telling us your plans for the future of Windows 10. How long are you planning on supporting Windows 10 for anyway? You say you will support it until October 13, 2020. So you say…
What is the total fraction of users now running Windows 10 on their PCs anyway? Assuming 1.2 billion PC users, that would make it, what, around 15-20%? Considering it’s a free giveaway, that’s hardly the majority, is it Microsoft? It sounds more like the minority. And I wonder why that is…
I think the real reason, Microsoft, is that you keep pushing this onto me and I don’t really want it. Not yet. Why not? I’ll tell you why not. Because I just paid AUD$150 for Windows 8.1 in March of 2015… or was it April?
I think the real reason, Microsoft, is that you keep pushing this onto me and I don’t really want it.
It wasn’t very smart of you to be secretly downloading Windows 10 onto users’ computers. You have said on this lifecycle factsheet page that “mainstream support” for windows 8 ends on January 9, 2018 and “extended support” ends on January 10, 2023. That’s nice to know. But are you talking about Windows 8.0, Windows 8.1 or this mysterious “Windows 8 upgrade” version? Quite simply, you have lost my trust. And all businesses thrive on trust.
I think you only have yourself to blame. You created all of these versions in the hopes of making more profit. And now you have all of these users segregated on all these different versions of your own software.
What do I think? Well, I don’t think you should be offering it for a limited one-year period. That’s what I think. Because that’s not how gifts are supposed to work. Software is either free [forever] or its not. Limited time offers are one of the oldest sales tricks in the book. My late father, who used to sell stuff in Petticoat lane shortly after WW2, taught me this. Used car salesmen also tend to use this approach. Need I say more?
Perhaps I do need to say more. If a new drug dealer parades into town offering free samples of a new drug, all the really smart people tend to stay away. Firstly, nobody wants to get hooked. Secondly, just because something is free doesn’t guarantee us that the quality is any good. Once again, need I say more?
If you can afford to give away Windows 10 for free, I think you should be a bit more cool with it, like this:
“We want to make it easier for users to synchronise their devices.
No. Windows 10 will remain free for eligable customers as long as we continue to support it. We want to thank you for being loyal to us over the years and helping to support Microsoft.
You can also upgrade at any time. If you don’t like Windows 10 you can always roll back to Windows 8.1 if you prefer.
Yes. We believe that our users should always be able to choose when they perform major upgrades and downgrades.”
Like that. That’s all you’d have to say. I think you’re just getting too sneaky about it all. And people don’t like sneaky.
You know, I have been with you ever since Windows 3.1. I used to download all of the latest updates, directX drivers, patches, etc. I used to be a goody-goody. I used to obey the master. But now I know more. I am a little wiser.
You see, I feel like I only just managed to get Windows 8.1 working the way I want it – incidentally by turning all the visual ‘features’ off. I had to remove all of the animations, like I always do. I had to remove the intentional 200ms delay on the start menu, like I always do. The little things like that should be easier to accomplish for a windows power user (but never are). I also had to figure out how to get my computer to load up without me ever seeing the tiled apps. And I had to do this on my ultrabook too. And then when my internal SSD was running out of space, I had to remove the automatic restore points, swap memory files and bloated index files.
Yes. And so now you are asking me to do this all again. Well I don’t feel like doing it all again, twice (two computers)! Not yet. Not so soon after the last time.
This year I will be thirty-nine years old. Upgrading an OS is not an enjoyable experience for me. It never has been. I just never realised how annoying it was before. Because when you’re a teenager, you don’t think about workflow or productivity. Do you? Now I know that I’ll spend at least a day of my life figuring it out and customising it. And that’s one day that I’d rather spend doing something else that I actually enjoy.
This time I’d prefer to stick with what I know. Because I’m satisfied with Windows 8.1. I’m happy with it. I’d rather spent several hours writing this letter instead. At least I’ll have something to show for it at the end of the day…
This time I’d prefer to stick with what I know. Because I’m satisfied with Windows 8.1. I’m happy with it.
I’ll tell you a little secret, shall I Microsoft? I bought my very first stand-alone copy of Windows only nine months ago in fact — to install on my Apple computer. Yes my Apple computer. Because there was simply no other way. Prior to that, it was always included in the cost of the PC. So I’ve become quite fond of my legitimate copy of Windows 8.1. And this “free” upgrade to Windows 10 does nothing for me except devalue my current copy of Windows 8.1.
And that brings me to one of the other primary reasons I haven’t upgraded yet. Because now the process is so automated that I’m worried what will happen to my existing partitions. Can you promise me that my data on both Windows and Apple partitions won’t completely vanish? Because I don’t want to buy yet another external hard disk to back everything up.
I know all about planned obsolesence. I know that businesses have to sell products to stay in business. So here’s my free “billion dollar idea” for you:
I believe that you have forgotten what an OS is supposed to do, what it is supposed to be. I think Windows suffers from “feature creep”. I believe that Microsoft is trying to do too much. The only thing I need my OS to do is run my other software programs as fast and reliably as humanly possible. And to a lesser extent, to take advantage of the latest hardware. That’s it. That’s all I need it to do. That’s all I want it to do. The bare minimum.
Windows 10 won’t grant me access to more RAM. It won’t unlock any more speed from my current computer.
I don’t need your Outlook email. I don’t need your Microsoft paint. Because all those things are taken care of by other software companies. I want to stay in complete control of what programs I use. I want the least amount of bloatware. Because less is more. And then if I need something new, I’ll go looking for it.
I want the least amount of bloatware. Because less is more. And then if I need something new, I’ll go looking for it.
So how about a blazingly fast, minimalist OS? One that doesn’t take up so much RAM and HDD space. One that doesn’t cost $199. How about an OS that costs more like $59, $49 or even $39?
I’ll tell you a bit more about my life, shall I Microsoft? I don’t own the latest phone. Because I’ve dropped too many expensive phones. Because I don’t want to keep checking my phone all the time. And yes it is a Windows phone by the way. But I didn’t buy it because it was a Windows phone. I didn’t buy it because of the specifications. I bought it because it was yellow! I bought it because it doesn’t try to connect to my computer. I bought it precisely because it is a separate device; because I’m sick of phones pretending to be ‘smart’.
I bought it because it was yellow! I bought it because it doesn’t try to connect to my computer.
I’m one of the few people that doesn’t own a tablet, either. Because I prefer to read a book and turn real, physical pages. Because I’m sick of recharging things. Because I’m sick of electronic clutter. Because I want to disconnect from technology each day and simply listen to my thoughts. Because I want to have a minimum impact on the environment, not a maximum one.
Because I want to disconnect from technology each day and simply listen to my thoughts.
So I don’t care less about integrating all my devices seamlessly or whatever it is that you are trying to do (besides, I think Apple has already beaten you to that opportunity). All I really want is to own one main device where I do all of my real work. That’s it.
My father also used to say to me that truly great products don’t need to advertise because they sell themselves. I remembered what my father said, when I saw all those adverts for Windows 10 plastered all around my city.
I’ll give you a trillion dollar idea shall I Microsoft?
I’ll give you a trillion dollar idea shall I Microsoft? The next really big operating system, your next chance to dominate and monopolise a completely new market, is going to be the new OS that is required for a bionic computer. One that works inside of our head(s). Because some people aren’t like me. Some people don’t want to disconnect – some people would rather live like cyborgs.
Because those people –those young people– they will want to do all sorts of new things. They’ll want to be able to do everything that we do now, but they’ll want to do it without all the hardware. They’ll want to do it without a physical computer interface. They’ll want to be able to work lying down or on the toilet. Won’t they?
Maybe a device like that would make life more ‘productive’. Maybe it truly would be ‘effortless’. Maybe it would be something worth upgrading to. Maybe software like that would be something worth paying a thousand dollars for.
1,000 x 1,000,000,000 = 1,000,000,000,000
I think the realy reason that people aren’t adopting Windows 10 at the rate that you expect, Microsoft, is that it isn’t what people are looking for. It isn’t new enough. It’s just more of the same. They don’t need it. It doesn’t offer any real advantages.
So I think that if you want to make another hundred billion dollars, or indeed a trillion, I think you’ve got to revolutionise something new. A bit like Bill Gates did when computers where in their infancy. You’ve got to give people a real competitive advantage. Or you’ve got to offer them something amazing. Like being able to record our dreams somehow and play them back again. Or to share our thoughts with the world in real time.
You’ve got to give people a real competitive advantage. Or you’ve got to offer them something amazing. Like being able to record our dreams somehow and play them back again. Or to share our thoughts with the rest of the world in real time.
Because unfortunately Microsoft that seems to be the direction that humanity is headed. But even that might be something worth upgrading to.
Photography by Leslie Dean Brown.
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